it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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