soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
