guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
