it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
