If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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