Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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