When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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