I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
