I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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