I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
