I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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