i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
