Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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