dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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