Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize