dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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