You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
