I think my vagina is haunted
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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