We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
