So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
