If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
