Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
