i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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