I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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