Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
