DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize