I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This is my gift to your gina
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
