I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
