I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dick very happy bro
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
