So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
