So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
