Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
