I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize