We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
