his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
