are you still at the devil's house?
my phone needs a breathalizer
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
