shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
