I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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