"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
