your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
