I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
