Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
