"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
