I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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