she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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