You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
