Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
