he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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