i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
