we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
