guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
