There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
