I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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