Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize