He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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