My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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