When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
