I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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