I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
