respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
