As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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