I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
