she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize