sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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