I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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