k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize