dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
