Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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