apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
