true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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