yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
