Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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